I remember it clear as day. My sister and I were racing down the gravel road from the house my grandparents were building. We were riding without hands, swerving in and out around each other, and singing out loud. We were having so much fun.
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The road was mostly flat for the first quarter mile or so. Then it started to slant more down hill and just up ahead the gravel was going to meet the tarred road. Jade and I slowed down over the bump where they meet. We knew the rules of the road, we wore our helmets, and we watched out for each other; we were safe riders. After we made it on to the tar we cruised smoothly down the hill.
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We started gaining speed much faster than we wanted to, but we had it under control or so we thought. There was a sharp right corner up ahead and I yelled to Jade who was slightly behind me so she'd know to start slowing down. We were nearing the turn and I rounded it, shakily but unharmed. I turned back to look for Jade but I didn't see her at first.
***
I'm pedaling back up the hill alone. I had to leave jade down at the bottom. It wasn't extremely serious, but she couldn't ride back up by herself. She was hurt pretty bad, and I'm hysterical, can't breathe, trying to run what just happened through my mind. I needed to get back to the house quick. I didn't know how to help her on my own. All I could do was ride back up the hill as fast as I could to tell my family and get help.
***
Tired and out of breathe I reached my grandparents house. I was trying to talk, trying to make sense of what had happened but I couldn't find the words. They said "Just calm down, slow down and tell us what happened", and I tried. I took a few deep breaths, just enough to spit out that Jade was down at the corner and she needed help. My dad and my uncle immediately took of in the truck to go to her. I wanted to go and I still wanted to help. I was exhausted but I knew I had done a good job. My mother made me stay but I knew everything would be fine. My dad would race her right back there and bandage her up. Now it was just a matter of waiting til she got back. I knew she was OK, but I was scared and I wanted to see her to make sure.
Endings on these are so tricky--you don't want to release the tension you've built up, but it does have to end somehow!
ReplyDeleteFor me, this goes on just a bit too long. I'd end it like this:
"I was exhausted but I knew I had done a good job. My mother made me stay but I knew everything would be fine. My dad would race her right back there and bandage her up. Everything would be fine. Now it was just a matter of waiting til she got back. Everything would be fine."
That both asserts that everything would be fine and also leaves the reader in a little doubt--would everything really be fine? And why not leave your reader that way!
I agree with you! I kind of wanted to stop there, but I'm never sure of how much detail or explanation is needed in some of the pieces I write. I can't help it, leaving out detail is proving to be hard for me!
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