I had great expectations in my head of this kick ass summer camp. It
was going to be this amazing campus with great shiny, red buildings. The
location was right on the water, and I was thinking there was a sandy
beach with a swimming area. I had seen pictures but they did not show
everything, only bits in pieces. So, when my parents pulled the car up
to the main office that summer day in July, 2002 the images I had in my
head kind of dwindled away. The "main office" for the summer camp was
this tiny red and white building, in little room with a little old lady
working the desk. My parents talked about signing us up for a few
minutes while my sister and I sat in two chairs that were smushed to the
right of the desk, and directly in front of the door.
After
we were all signed up and the t's were crossed we walked out of the
cramped office and looked out onto the rest of the campus. Immediately
in front of us was the soccer field and the basketball courts. Beside
them to the right was the chapel, because this was a Christian camp, and
right behind the chapel was the girls dorm rooms. The dorms were 10
rooms all connected in one long building. They fit 6 pairs of bunk beds
and were very tight on space but were very cozy. Looking to our right
still standing in front of the office, we could see the dining hall, a
few small cabins, and the boys dorms around the corner farthest to the
right. Connected to the office we were standing at was the "Snack Shack"
where campers could go and get snacks, ice cream, and soda, it was the
popular place to hang out at night during free time. We decided to take a
way down the road that lead past the boys dorms, and the dining hall
after looking around for another few minutes. We passed the back
entrance to the Chapel on the left and the dining hall on the right. The
road we walked on crossed over the "Jordan River" which was a little
stream that ran parallel to the road from above the driveway all the way
down the lake entrance. We walked a little bit farther to the end of
the actual camper area where the bonfire area was and all the benches
around it, as well as the volleyball court.
Although
the camp was very simple, modest, and old it had so much character. It
had been around so many years, and a whole bunch of memories and
friendships had been made there. My mother went there as a child and
enjoyed her time so much she wanted my sister and I to have the same
experience. It was an amazing place for finding yourself, true friends,
and finding the Lord as well. I realized this after a few days there.
All the people were so genuine and taught me how to live my life in a
positive and moral way. Each day in chapel, in our rooms before bed, and
in all activities the counselors were teaching us things about life and
lessons from the bible. They shared their personal experiences that
lead them to where they were and other's stories as well. The songs we
sang each day and the things that were read to me made me feel
empowered, like there were people behind me supporting me in my journey
to find who I wanted to be. It was a judgement free zone in a way,
everyone was there to learn, have fun, and to better themselves and
their relationship with the Lord. That camp gave me a strong sense of
who I was and the person I wanted to be and the people there gave me the
courage and support to do so.
I had poor assumptions of
what the camp was going to be like when I pulled in on the first day.
Those were due to my opinion of the way the building and grounds looked.
However, I was seriously mistaken by the outward appearance. I ended up
returning there for 6 years as a camper, and a 7th year as a staff
member. The time I spent there made me realize to not judge something by
the outside, because the things you learn inside and the people you
meet along the way will truly be worth the experience.
"It was an amazing place for finding yourself, true friends, and finding the Lord as well. I realized this after a few days there. All the people were so genuine and taught me how to live my life in a positive and moral way."
ReplyDeleteThis is it--the big moment, the place where you tell us what was hidden behind that ordinary and blah exterior. But you don't. You tell us something happened, but you never quite tell us what.
Try adding a little material in a rewrite, right after the quotation above.
I revised it and added a little bit more to that section!
ReplyDeleteWell, yeah, but no--I've got to put you on a thing-free diet. Look at the added material--I'm going to italicize every time you use thing or some other general term to avoid giving any specifics:
ReplyDelete"Each day in chapel, in our rooms before bed, and in all activities the counselors were teaching us things about life and lessons from the bible. They shared their personal experiences that lead them to where they were and other's stories as well. The songs we sang each day and the things that were read to me made me feel empowered, like there were people behind me supporting me in my journey to find who I wanted to be. "
I'm not saying that each of those italicized items needs to be explained, but one story or one example or one person telling you something or one Bible story with its moral or one particular song would have made this work better.
You have to be a bulldog and lock onto your material and not let go!